What is a Prophet of God?

The Bible speaks many times about Prophets or messengers. Who are these Prophets?
Prophets are appointed by God Himself and usually called to give a message to a certain Nation and it's People or society...

In the Old Testament of the Bible which is God's word there are many examples of Prophets or Messengers that the Lord Himself raises up or "Calls" to a specific Ministry usually to a society and it's people.
Almost all Prophets in scripture were appointed by God  because the Lord has a message that's extremely important to a nation and it's people, so God appoints these messengers to bring that particular message...

Prophets are an odd group of Biblical characters as evidenced by the highly peculiar Prophets in the old testament, and the new Testament both.
For example Hosea, who was called by God to take a wife that was actually a Prostitute and ended up being completely unfaithful to him. What a strange situation right?
Why in the world would God appoint a messenger who's wife was a Prostitute and completely unfaithful to him and have many different Lovers? Bizarre Right?

Well, if we read on in Hosea this happened because God was using him and his unfaithful prostitute wife as an exact mirror image or picture of Israel's complete Unfaithfulness to the Lord.
God used Hosea and his strange situation to demonstrate to Israel's people that that's exactly what God sees Israel and it's people doing...They are in complete rebellion and unfaithfulness to God and the only way He could even reach them is through Hosea's bizarre and extremely difficult relationship with his unfaithful wife...

Many times God appoints a prophet to a nation that has the terrible message that judgment is coming and they'd better get prepared or turn away from their wickedness before disaster happens, if it can be averted at all...
These Prophets have an extremely difficult Job of telling their own nation that God has had enough and the hand of judgment was soon coming.

Obviously that sort of really bad news is not well received by a society and it's people...but the real Prophet says and does what God has instructed him to say and do, not what a society and people WANT to hear, but what they NEED to hear.
Therefore, the real prophet does not care about what his culture or society thinks of him and his message particularly if it's bad news, he presses on not caring of how the consequences of a nasty judgmental message will be received by a society that has turned it's back to God in complete rebellion, Or what it will do to him personally which could be very uncomfortable...

Because of the Prophets sometimes harsh but true message the prophet can not only endure a lot of hardship in his own life, but even harsh ridicule, mockery or even persecution from his countrymen...
We see this from some Old Testament prophets like Jeremiah sometimes called "The Weeping Prophet" whom God told to put on a Yoke or a Wooden stock around his neck and head as a Testimony to Israel's people that the Yoke of being forced under the King of Babylon was coming. Tough Gig right?

Interestingly the False Prophet Hananiah broke this Stock or Yoke off Jeremiah's neck saying the Israelites would not be forced under the ruler of Babylon, which turned out to be completely false as History shows that yes, the Jews were put under Babylonian rule.This btw is how one discerns the real prophet from the False, the real prophets message can be extremely harsh and hard to hear, while the false prophets message may sound sweet, comforting and pleasant, except that the harsh judgment happens in reality while the false prophets "Peace" message does NOT happen. The real prophets message ALWAYS happens. This is not to say that a prophets message is not a peaceful one or always about the judgment and destruction of a nation, but sometimes it is.

Some Prophets in scripture predicted in exact detail the future or future events about people or a society. For instance, the prophet Micah who foretold the exact town of the birth of Jesus Christ in Bethlehem in Micah 5:2

"But You Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of Old, from ancient times"

And here in Psalms usually attributed to the warrior King David also a Prophet, about the crucifixion of Jesus Christ...Psalm 22:18

"They divide my garments among them, and cast lots for my Clothing"

These are small details about the birth and death Of Jesus right down to the clothing and place of birth told hundreds of years before...Amazing isn't it?

Other prophets have foretold events far into the distant future like for instance Daniel, prophesying of end time events which even Jesus alludes to here in Matthew 24:15

"So when you see standing in the Holy place the abomination of desolation, described by the prophet Daniel (Let the reader understand)

And in Daniel 12:11- "And from the time the daily sacrifice is abolished, and the abomination of desolation is set up, there will be 1,290 days"

We see here that the Prophet Daniel is talking about future events that even Christ confirms of what
is to come.

The New Testament also declares that the prophets job is not yet done as we see in Acts 2:17 as Peter preaches to the crowd...

"In the Last days God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people, your Sons and Daughters will prophesy, tour young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams..."

The prophets job is not to be taken lightly, and a very difficult job it is, but I'm Positive the real prophets of God are highly rewarded in Heaven with our Lord Jesus Christ.

I'm just the Sax Player...

Art Imitates Life? Or does life Imitate art?

A former Band student of mine was in the Aurora Century 16 theaters the night Orange haired freak James Holmes walked in and killed numerous people and wounded many many more in 2012,
The student I'm speaking of will not be named but regardless was not hurt at least not Physically.
The emotional and mental scars of such a horrific scene can't be measured I don't think...

Aurora Century 16 was the theater I took my own two boys to numerous times for showings of the latest
films enjoyed by Teen boys and their dads. Below is my late son Juan as we took in the latest film about a year before the Mass Shootings there...

Of course nobody could predict what was going to happen in that theater about a year after this photo I took of my son.

As an artist myself who's recorded a national Christian Saxophone record for a major Label, I've often wondered...

"Does art imitate life? or does life imitate art?"

I think both statements are true and here's why...
For Hundreds of years art has definitely imitated life, it's glories and tragedies, it's beauty and in it's Debased awfulness as well as it's bloody realities.
Through most of history art imitated life simply because it took weeks months or years to paint a painting on a canvas and put it out.
Or for a writer to finish a novel and have a publisher put it into the Marketplace. These processes used to take years...

Even as recently as 50 years ago a photographer from a news agency covering the Vietnam war had to first process and develop the film, and then have the news agency send it to newspapers all over the world. A process that took at least a few days.
Even with the advent of television, video and photography capturing the beauty of a new lion cub being born at a Zoo, or a tragedy like the famous photo in Vietnam capturing a naked Vietnamese girl running through the streets away from a Napalm bomb took at least a day.

But in the last 30 years publishing has become an instant immediate phenomenon never seen before in man kinds history. Today a Blogger like myself can write, use photographs and publish a blog immediately upon writing it for the world to see.

My own photo of Aurora Century 16 I took my kids to (2012)

In the the last 15 years publishing has become even more immediate when a person can instantly publish not only their words, but photos, videos, memes, cartoons, and any type of media INSTANTLY on social Media for millions to view.

Filmmakers, Photographers, Media producers of any kind can now instantly publish their work, whereas just 25 years ago that was something only in science fiction novels or movies which took months or years to publish...

For this reason I believe life is now ALSO imitating art because the instantaneous publishing of film previews, YouTube videos of violence by ISIS or by insane shooters can IMMEDIATELY be published all over the world and seen by the public, by news hounds, by adults and Children...or by impressionable and insane wannabe copycat Killers...

Nonsense you say?
Well, here's a bit of evidence from years ago.

The mass serial killer Ted Bundy was scheduled to be executed for his decades long string of murders of young mostly college age women. It was a well known story.
The Christian Psychologist James Dobson did an interview with Bundy just shortly before he was to be executed for his heinous crimes.

In that interview Bundy said that his consumption of Pornography as a young boy and teenager was responsible for warping his mind to the point that he then wanted to ACT OUT his sexually deviant and violent fantasies in real life, which he did act out murdering numerous young women and committing sexual crimes.
This was coming from the serial killer himself...

 The Aurora Century 16 killer James Holmes is more evidence that life in the form of insane shooters copies art...
Holmes with his dead staring eyes in his Jail outfit and Orange hair was copying the Joker character from the film...
I'm not saying everyone who kills or all who obsessively consume violent or sexually charged media copies these violent films or Videos or Computer games like Doom, which even the Columbine Killers were known to play obsessively... But I'm saying that
people who are already deranged, and are seeking out media that confirms their violent psychotic tendencies consume this stuff like a fire consumes Gasoline...

There was an old saying I heard in Churches a lot several years ago..."Garbage in, Garbage out"
meaning, what you look at, consume, read, and watch will eventually change your thinking processes and out comes the garbage in some form.
For some who are already insane, that garbage out could be in the form of actually ACTING OUT violence.

This weekend (October 2019) the New "Joker" movie comes out, which I've already read my FB friends reviews of who say it's inordinately and grossly violent and very disturbing...
The Aurora Theater I took my own kids to where Holmes did his ghastly, violent deed is not showing it, and perhaps we should all think about why that is...

I'm just the Sax player so don't shoot me. Thanks,

DT Out.

My time in a work release facility...

Last summer I was playing a gig in Littleton, Co. a very high priced wedding I was hired to play Sax for....

The band leader took us out for drinks before the gig, so...
I thought it was perfectly fine to have a beer or 3 on the gig.
Makes sense to me anyway...

However what transpired was not what I expected...

I was told by the band leader to basically stop drinking even though he'd took us out for
drinks before the gig so I called him on his hypocrisy...
We argued about it, I apologized by email...twice...
and then got a check in the mail $150 short of what he promised to pay me and then called me basically a racist and a few other threats...claiming I'd breached contract except there was no contract for the gig and nothing was signed...I finished the gig btw every last note to the end of it...

This band leader happens to be an Immigrant to this country btw...

This immigrant band leader then called me a a racist and "I will teach you how to treat immigrants"
to which I said my mother is not white and how dare you call me a racist since my own family CAME from Hispanic immigrants to this nation which I can trace back to Spain hundreds of years ago...

Long story short I let this band leader get to me getting angry and shorting my pay and went to a bar and drank too much too fast...
And was pulled over...I've admitted my guilt and sin to the Lord and asked His forgiveness and He has done that...

Spending 4 nights in the Jail on Fourth of July Weekend 2018, the first night was with about 20-25 others in a crowded lockup, the second night in the Jail proper with a 30 something white man, the third night with two young men about twenty years old and then was released the fourth day at about 7 pm. This all happened over the Fourth of July weekend 2018.

My Trial was moved 3 times and put off until January 2019 for different reasons, and I finally faced a Judge in County Court where I was told I had spent two days in Jail when in reality I was there 4 days as I stated earlier...from this I learned that the Jailers lied about how many days I spent in Jail and I did not find that out until the trial.

I had a Public defender who I'd talked to maybe 5 minutes before the trial, she was nice but of little help and I read a statement to the Judge How I admitted what I did was wrong, said I was sorry, explained how I was ripped off by a band leader,  got angry and drank too much, but admitted my guilt, and asked for some understanding as my son had just died and would like to be able to get my license back ASAP, as well as some mercy in my situation...I was shown very little mercy by this Judge who I learned from a few websites that she is extremely biased in favor of the prosecution...as she was in my case...

I learned that public defenders are so busy with probably 25-30 cases a day that they are of little help if any, and I also learned that Money talks in these situations...If you have money or your family does
for a high powered expensive lawyer you will get half the sentence or less than the poor man who cannot afford a high powered lawyer...I met a man in work release who's family had money and was able to hire a high powered lawyer from Denver that received a much lighter sentence than I got for a much more serious offense...

My sentence was 28 days in a Work release facility in spite of the fact the Jailers lied and had me in the Jail 4 days not 2 days, almost $ 4,000 in fines, court ordered alcohol classes, 2 years probation, and 80 hours of community service.

I began my work release sentence in February which was an eye opening experience to say the least...And I've written a song called "Unjust Justice" about my experiences in this situation I've found myself in...

I work as a crossing guard for Schools and have for almost 7 years, but I'm also hired by the Police dept. which is an anomaly as almost NO Police departments hire their school crossing guards but here in this town they have for years. I learned in work release that that put me at risk being hired by Police in a lock up situation with criminals of different types like a car thief, a drug dealer, a meth addict, an assaulter, a convicted robber and other assorted types of inmates. Most were like me in work release for a misdemeanor...

As I heard their stories and listened to them, some of
these men had been in and out of Jails, Prisons, and work release since they were teenagers and a few were as old as 70.

I had compassion on these men and prayed for all of them while I was in that facility even though some of them absolutely hated me knowing I was an employee of the police dept., which I did not tell them btw, instead I told them I was hired by the school district which is also true.... Yet they seemed to know who I was hired by...

I learned that the men in Jails and Prisons and work release are "Street Smart" meaning, they know what's going on on the street, they know the cops by name, they know a lot of what's going on on the "Street" and they knew me and who I worked for...I was not liked by several in that facility...

One night while I was sleeping on my metal bed some personal property of mine was stolen...a cell phone battery charger I plugged in every night and put right by my pillow.. it disappeared and in place of that I found two earrings that looked like cubic zirconium or possibly even diamond...
Someone was plotting against me to get me to report this theft and therefore cause a Guard "Shakedown" of our sleeping room thus turning everyone in the Pod against me falsely saying I was a Snitch or informant...
I threw the earrings away and did not report it to the guards blunting their plans...They still thought I was a Snitch which was completely false...

One man in I prayed for numerous times in particular in my "Pod" as they were called or sleeping room with about 16 bunks made of metal with a thin green pad and 3 blankets, was a Hispanic man of maybe 30 or younger and reminded me a lot of one of my Uncles who had died 45 years ago...and looked a lot like my Uncle.

This man did not like me at first as many of them did not  as I read my son Juan's bible at the end of my metal bed I had taken in there...
Some men bristled as I read that bible I'd sent to my son...others didn't seem to mind...

The man across from me told me he was a Catholic, and I told him I was raised a Catholic, but then began playing music in Protestant churches and did so for 25 years as the Catholic church didn't use Saxophones in Worship...I also told him I had played at Pope John Paul's World Youth Day back in 1993 even though Saxophone was considered "Non Liturgical" by the Catholic Church...By the end of my 28 days in work release that man that hated me for reading my bible 4 times a day on the end of my bed told me he was going to Victory Outreach Church In Greeley on Sundays with his mother...

I chose a "Life Verse" over almost 25 years ago for the ministry and work God has put before me, a bible verse that encapsulates what the ministry the Lord has given me is all about..

"For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost..." Luke 19:10

The thrust or focus of my ministry has been reaching people for Christ that are not typically reachable by the recognized Christian church, from talking to sound men and light men about my faith while traveling in a Christian Rock Band in the 1980's, to playing music in Jails and Prisons in California or Colorado, to reaching thousands of people on the web or social media with my music, to reading the Bible that was my sons while being hated and disliked by hardened men in a work release facility, this is the job the Lord has appointed me...


Don't hate me I'm just the Sax Player. : )

A Nation of Lawlessness...

For close to 40 years now our country has refused to follow it's own laws...

We began ignoring our own laws and God's laws around 1980 and our national leaders did nothing to stop this lawlessness.

Consequently, three generations of people in this nation have watched it's own leaders and government ignore the laws they were sworn to uphold, and the result is three generations of Americans that have become accustomed to their own nations lawlessness and are now very familiar and used to lawlessness...It's become part of the fabric of our society....it's ingrained in our very being as a nation, Sadly...

Suddenly and surprisingly however in 2016 a new leader was elected President to the shock of nearly everyone, but particularly Democrats who believed their anointed Queen Hillary was supposed to win...But the American people spoke much to the chagrin of the ideological left wing, and they were mad...very very mad...but yet the new and shocking leader was about to enact the reverse of American lawlessness that most politicians of both parties had created, saying things like "I'm going to build a big beautiful wall", and
"I'm behind Law enforcement", and "I will end illegal Immigration"
Naturally, to three generations of people who had grown accustomed to their own government breaking it's own immigration laws (as well as God's Laws) this was a shocking thing.

To millions of people who now just assumed illegal immigration would fester on as it has since the Reagan era, and that women (of course) had every right to kill their own babies, and Police men and women were now considered "Pigs" who needed to be protested by kneeling at Football Games during the national anthem, this new leader was acting like a Fascist Nazi. And this is the cause of the division we are now seeing...

Why, How dare this arrogant new President actually attempt to uphold national immigration law!, how dare he tell women they cannot murder their own babies!, Who does this arrogant man think he is by backing up Cops! the audacity!
Who does he think he is?!
Racist!, Nazi!, Woman Hater! was their cry...

In 1973 the Country made national law stating that a mother could kill her own baby and used a young woman named Norma McCorvey to persuade the highest court in the land to codify Roe Vs. Wade.
Oddly enough the Roe of Roe Vs. Wade never had an abortion...she was just used by leftist Democrats, feminists, and planned Parenthood to normalize the killing of an unborn human being and persuaded an entire generation of young women that it was their "Choice" to do so...In fact Norma McCorvey the Plaintiff in Roe Vs. Wade became one of the Nations staunchest enemies of Roe Vs. Wade and tried right up until her death to fight against the law she helped enact. Ms. McCorvey also became a conservative pro life Christian having a total change of heart...

The Bible states in Second Thessalonians that a "Man of Lawlessness" (2 Thess. 2:1-12) would rise up and reveal himself during the times before Jesus Christ returns. This man would not only encourage great lawlessness against God, but persecute those who stood against him, that is until Jesus Christ Returns and annihilates him with his breath...

Jesus Christ Himself prophesied in Matthew 24:12 that "Because Lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow cold"

We can be assured that in the end God wins and Jesus will destroy every last vestige of lawlessness and everything that offends God....and that is the believers hope...

I'm just the Sax Player...

On Grief and Mourning part #3

The Last year of Juan's life was pretty good with he and I...we went to movies, several lunches and Dinners, to the mall in Golden or to a coffee shop to spend time together and just hang out...

Juan was beginning to use the public transportation system in Denver, he was learning the Bus routes and the light rail schedule.
Jefferson County, Colo. social services through the school district was teaching him some life skills and how to work a job.

 Juan had a small job at Planet Fitness, and R.E.I., and later a job at the YMCA where he was learning how to work with little kids...

Juan however still struggled with any authority, he many times refused to take direction or any instruction from his work superiors or managers or his mother and I...This is actually a fairly typical trait of those with Fetal Alcohol syndrome...

We had some great talks Juan and I the last year of his life...he wanted to know a lot about the Bible, about Jesus and God. He was thirsty for the knowledge of God. So when together we would discuss everything from Eschatology (theology of the End of Days) to what Jesus meant in a lot of his sayings.

Juan would ask me a lot of questions about what the bible meant and he had his own ideas of what it meant. I would try to direct him to stick with what the Bible actually says and not to try to make up his own Theology, but stick to scripture to form his ideas about God and Jesus...

When I had a music gig in Denver at a corporate event, Jazz club or Funk R and B club, a
showcase event at a theater or ministry type event, I would always try and stop to see Juan first and grab some dinner even if it was fast food, or sometimes I'd bring some food down with me and we'd eat it at the house before I had to go to a gig. These are the times I remember where Juan and I really had some good times and laughs...

Juan had a truly great sense of humor and loved to laugh and was ready with a new Joke to tell me when we would have some hang time...

This is the end of part three on grieving and Mourning.

On Grief and Mourning part two...

The morning of Sunday October 14th 2018, My ex wife's brother in law called me and told me to
sit down because he had some bad news...

"Dave, I hate to tell you this, but Juan is gone, he's dead, he passed away last night"

I was shocked, and was angry also and began asking questions about what happened. Why was my ex brother in law telling me my son died? I was just lashing out that my son was dead...
And I couldn't get down there at that time. I lived about 70 miles away from Golden and Juan's body had already been taken away.

I was literally in shock...

My ex brother in Law to his credit calmed me down and took some anger from me that wasn't really pointed at him, but just anger...lashing out that my son was no more. My ex wife could not talk to me on the phone as she too was in complete shock because she found Juan in his bed not realizing he was gone.

Tears started flowing down my face and the awful, dreadful reality was hitting me, I wouldn't see my 20 year old son again this side of Heaven.

I mention Heaven because Juan was raised as a Christian boy and young man.
We had taken Juan and my older son Cole to all of the Churches where I played music at as a regular church musician in the Denver area since they were little boys.

Every Sunday I would get up to play music at church after playing late Saturday night gigs all over Colorado for private parties, or weddings, or Bar Mitzvahs, or corporate gigs from Aspen to Vail to Colorado Springs or every hotel in Denver that had a ballroom.

I did this as hopefully an example to my kids to try and raise them as Christians, as believers in Jesus Christ and so they could hear the Word of God preached every week while I was playing Music...

Both of my sons were baptized at the evangelical church I played at for 12 years on the same day at a large baptismal event.

 I made videos of both of them being baptized and making professions of faith in Jesus along with about 100 other kids and adults...


Juan's memorial service had to be delayed several days because his older sister Jazzy could not get to Denver until her classes at Auburn were finished so she could graduate.

I had decided not to play music at Juan's Funeral. I was just not feeling it at all... but as the week wore on I was inspired to go ahead and play the song "People Need the Lord" from my first C.D. at the memorial and It was a good thing. I think it's helping me heal faster...

I was experiencing and still am experiencing a lot of guilt also, which I'm told is also normal and part
of the grieving process....
I was not there when My son died, and I couldn't get down there before his body was taken from my exes house.

Juan and I had numerous disagreements since he was a child, about everything from him not wanting to leave after school program and go home, to when he was younger and we would be at Target or Wal-Mart where he'd insist on playing game demos for a half hour, then an hour later and I had to struggle with him to get him out of the store.

I know, every parent is thinking "Well, we've all had to do that" but I doubt if you had to try and pull your son up off the floor in the middle of Target or Wal-Mart while he was screaming "He's hurting me!, He's hurting me! Help! Help!" and everyone is looking at you like you're a terrible parent...

As I've stated before Juan had severe trouble trusting ANYONE in authority because of the abuse he suffered in his natural moms drug and alcohol infused home. and it manifested itself in almost every situation whether in the house or in Public places like grocery stores or even church or the charter school where both my ex and I taught at.

End of blog two "On Grief and Mourning" blog three coming..

On Grief and Mourning

I lost my 20 year old son Juan on October 14 of this year (2018)

Juan passed away in his sleep from "Natural Causes" according to the coroners autopsy, but stated his Fetal Alcohol Syndrome had a lot to do with his death. Juan had an unusually small Main artery coming from his heart that was extremely narrow. The coroner told us he died from either a Seizure (not likely) or a Heart Arrhythmia episode. I believe it's the latter because Juan never had a seizure in the entire 16 years we had him.

My ex wife checked on Juan at 10 pm, and according to the coroner he was gone by midnight Oct. 14


We adopted Juan in 2003 at the Age of five from Adams County (Colorado) social services. He was then in a Foster care home with 10 other kids in Aurora, Co. One couple had taken on both Juan and his sister but brought Juan back while keeping his sister. They probably saw how hard it was going to be raising Juan so they brought him back to Adams County S.S.

I remember being in adoption court and being asked if I took Juan legally as my adopted child, to which I said yes, and they asked the same of my then wife.
I'm not going to lie and say I had no reservations about adopting Juan because I had many reservations…
We already had one child with Autism, and were about to bring another child with a radically different disability...I had serious reservations and knew it was gong to be very difficult raising Juan...

So, we took on Juan knowing he had several disabilities. Meeting with the social workers several times before hand we knew Juan had fetal alcohol syndrome, being addicted to both alcohol and cocaine at birth, which has a profound effect on the child's body, brain, nervous system and can effect everything from the heart to organs and spine as well as feet, hands, head shape, eyes, and the rest of the body.

Because of all of this, kids with fetal alcohol syndrome can have motor skills difficulty, balance problems, problems running or even walking, and that only covers the physical aspects...

Mentally and emotionally fetal alcohol syndrome effects IQ, moods which can swing wildly from seeming calm and normal to loud defiant screaming, seizures, problems with authority, problems with making friends, problems with social interactions...And, Juan had nearly all of this except the seizures. Of course NONE of this was Juan's fault, he was born with an addiction to alcohol and cocaine from his mothers addictions...

Juan's mother drank alcohol and did drugs (Cocaine) while pregnant which is just about the worst thing a mother can do to her unborn child....If a mother really wants to screw up her babys life... drink and take drugs while pregnant....

I asked Adams County social services if Juan had attachment disorder as well and they told me point blank "No"
I found out later that was a lie...Juan did have attachment disorder as I read it in the paperwork...

Its not like my family wasn't used to dealing with types of disorders and quirks because our older natural born son has Aspergers syndrome or HFA a completely different type of autistic spectrum disorder...Now 25 and married to his College sweetheart, with a 4 year degree from Colo. Christian Univ. my older son Cole is doing extremely well...

So our new adventure with Juan began and what an adventure it was...
From a house used to arranging everything around an autistic spectrum disorder, to a house where now one child had to be put in the background a bit so that another child with a much more serious and much more dibillitating disability demanded a lot of the focus.

Im not going to lie and sugar coat what adopting a child out of the foster care system entails....it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life without a doubt....adoption particularly adoption of foster care and or disabled kids is NOT for the squeamish, weak, or timid.....

Our home dynamics changed immediately, and dramatically,
from a usually pretty quiet home arranged for autism, to now a home that had to instantly transform into a dual disability home for autism as well as a child that had radically wild mood swings, quick behavior changes, oppositional defiant disorder, anger issues, violent outbursts, as well as times of sweet calmness, joy and many tender moments....but it was all very, very unpredictable.


Juan was a lively little boy and brought a ton of "Spice" into our house....spicy eggs, spicy chips, spicy burritos, spicy egg burritos spicy quesadillas, spicy hot Cheetos, you name it, whatever Juan ate it had to be HOT....

We weren't used to this of course catering to a diet for an autism spectrum child which is the exact OPPOSITE of spicy...white foods, spaghetti no sauce, pizza but only cheese pizza, white bread, Cheerios no milk...chicken nuggets no sauce, no red meat...you get the idea....

Juans spice included everything else we did also....he wasn't afraid of much as a little boy, we took him and our older son to Bass Pro shops and Juan immediately wanted to climb the rock wall which he did almost all the way to the top.

At the Colorado rennaissance festival Juan wanted to ride the Camel so we let him. I didn't want to ride a smelly camel but he did...

Juan's fetal alcohol syndrome affected his brain but not certain parts of it like some FAS kids, he played chess with me at about nine and beat me once and I wasn't trying to lose, not sure if he was the next Bobby Fisher or I was just a really bad chess player...

Juan was good at math which is odd for a kid with FAS, he was very good with numbers...

Unfortunately where Juan's FAS really showed itself was in his interactions with others, with us as his parents and his older brother, but also nearly everyone one else he came in contact with.
 Juan definitely had oppositional defiant disorder as well as Bipolar disorder. Juan had extreme difficulty with any authority from teachers, to us his parents, to older kids when trying to play, to his older brother or cousins...Juan distrusted ANY authority, and I can't blame him as his first five years of life was living in a house where the parent was his older sister, and the drug and alcohol addicted parent wasn't present even when present.

In fact Juan's older sister was the ONLY person I think he actually really trusted...when together they were not just like a brother and sister but almost like a child with a parent. Juan's older sister basically raised him and took care of his needs as the mother cared very little for him and treated him badly....his sister probably saved his life early on...Jazzlyn, Juan's sister btw is extremely intelligent and has a 4 year degree from Auburn University. She was also the valedictorian of her H.S. graduation...

Because of that Juan's behavior around adults was, " I'm not trusting you, in Juan's mind grown ups like you have shown me they're not trustworthy, so that's how I'm going to treat you, like somebody I can't trust"

End of Blog one on Grief and Mourning...Continuing